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Intimacy - a chore on the 'to do' list!

In2macy.. a chore on the 'to do' list!

Assalamualaykum 
After few of my insta lives.. and email advice this topic has constantly crept up.. so I just had to deal with it! 
My lovely married couples, let's reminisce back to those early months of married life. The moments when all you wanted was to be with your spouse, cuddle up and have long lie in bed. (My newly weds DEFO keep reading to make sure this continues!) 

We all know this 'honeymoon period' changes and people often say "Oh it all goes". Well I say NO! Why should honeymoon period just end? Yes it changes but there should not be an END to romance and this intimacy. 
Face it, we all do miss it, we all crave for that little extra attention, so then WHY does it disappear?  

Family life.. reality life... 

Yes, we all know that once those little feet enter our lives, it feels like everything has turned upside down (in a good way, most times!) Our time and priorities change and all of a sudden everything revolves around them! Parenting isn't easy and it needs a lot of time and patience. 
Now I'm not here to give parenting advice.. BUT.. often us lovely mothers forget the first 'baby' that came into our life. The baby who wants our attention too. And vice versa.. the mummies also want to feel like the 'baby' for a change too and be spoilt! 

Reality also hits.. often going to work, starting new challenges, dealing with the hard reality of finance juggling and planning the future.. This usually just leads to stress and a constant routine of getting things done! 

Why do we NEED to get over this?

Now we ALL know how in Islam the rights of a husband and wife are so important. There's no need for me to go over this ALL OVER AGAIN.. (discussed recently in the blog excuses, excuses, excuses) .. BUT what are the psychological and social reasons WHY we can't have our intimacy moments just become a 'to do list'. 
Yes.. a husband has rights to have his sexual desires fulfilled and vice versa.. but when it becomes just 'wham bham thank you mam!' then that's no longer intimacy.. it really is just a passionless, loveless chore! 

We NEED to get over this. Sexual intimacy is that close bond only between the husband and wife, something that is uniquely special between the pair that Allah created. 
In a society where sexual images and ideas are everywhere, if we can't make that moment with our spouse extra special, unfortunately the mind will begin to go astray.. questions begin to arise.. what more is out there? How can I be saved from this boredom? Leading to minds wandering onto forbidden places such a pornography and then worse..
(May Allah save us Ameen)

Often many problems in marriage begin from something small at home.. a desire and need not being fulfilled.. it is more than just 'giving your body'.. marriage and that intimacy include your mind, heart and soul! Without that, any other 'body' will be just as good! 

HOW to get out of this?

I have gone in depth with lots of advice in our e-book.. tips and things to really build that romance. Also check the Youtube Vlog 'dressing up for your spouse'for more tips!


Last thoughts... 

A little thought.. Sex is also a need for humans just like food! 
We hear 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach' .. Now think about it, when you cook a meal in a rush or anything in a rush that you know you did not put much effort in.. probably doesn't taste as great as you normally do. But it is still FOOD right? He eats.. it fills his stomach.. does he turn and say "Thank you" like a genuine Thanks? It's done the job though.. but is it enough?

He wants some physical attention.. You give it.. without any thought. Job done right? 

What's the difference when you cook something he really likes (or you cook what she likes!) with time, effort and a lot of attention. Full now but really appreciate it! 

That physical need.. You've taken the time to look good, dress nice, take your time to think about little details to please each other.. now would that feel like a 'chore'? Or are you both now fully happy? Maintaining that.. in small ways and gestures will build that love and romance.. it will keep that happiness in the home.. leading to your children understanding importance of marriage as they see their parents happy.. and most importantly keeping evil away and Allah swt pleased with you InshaAllah! 

 

Happy to help.

For any more advice contact us for personal 1:1 advice on
in2mate.nights@gmail.com

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